A whole new world

So I am half a month into my new job and what a huge eye opener it has been.   The very nature of social work is demanding and intense and then you add the element of homelessness and addiction the time of a world wide pandemic and it’s a mindf*ck of note.

I have realized there is so much I don’t know and need to learn but I am also reminded I am good with people.  I like people!  I am good at building trust and relationship and being sincere and non judgmental.  Apart from the obvious stuff I need to learn like SASSA grants and acts & laws I need to learn the nature and culture of homelessness and addiction.  They seem to go hand in hand.  I also need to learn to be less trusting and use my head more and my heart less.  Jo & I just want to love people and help so we don’t always listen to our gut.  She is better than me at discerning but her heart too directs her hands and feet.  We want to believe them, we want to trust.  Nicolene the previous social worker has a super sharp BS detector, mine needs a great deal of work. 

                                            (pic not of an actual client as we respect their privacy)

 

I am learning everyone’s names and stories and love walking in and greeting everyone in our extended family.  I am so proud of the steps they take as they try to get back on their feet, and then saddened when they self sabotage.  I have so many ideas I want to implement but I need to take it slow and get familiar with each family and their story.  Everyone has strengths and talents and I want to help them find out what those are and develop them.  I want to try and teach them to be cycle breakers so all these gorgeous little kids we have staying there choose a different path one day.  I feel privileged and grateful to meet people whose lives are so very different from mine.  My problems and stress are big and real to me as theirs are to them.  I do not compare and although I am grateful, I do not feel guilty for all I have.  We are connected by our humanity and this time and place.

 

My work is all consuming.  I think about them at night and when I wake up in the morning.  Yes I know I need boundaries, I will get there.  I will learn to balance my personal life and my work life.   I will make mistakes and errors of judgment for sure but I will never be cynical.  I will work hard and I will love hard.  The day before I started work I was so incredibly nervous I wanted to vomit.  I was walking outside in my potted garden in my courtyard and I went to my Pops plant for a chat.  It’s this beautiful jasmine plant I asked him to buy me for Christmas when he had cancer.  He was diagnosed in that August and every time I prayed for him or thought about him I would smell jasmine and there would be a bush somewhere close by.  So there I am talking to my late father in the form of this beautiful plant just starting to blossom as one generally does.  “Dad what would you say to me right now?” 

“Just do your best my girl, that is all you can do.”

Very Pops right?   Simple and true words that made me feel calmer.

So now I go to work and it’s busy and messy and intense and hard and my dystonia is pretty bad from stress but I just do my best, because that is all I can really do. 

My Sofielicious is sweet sixteen!

 And yes it’s a day late but we had such a good time together on your bday I did not want to waste a second.  Life is easy with you Sofes.  The energy between us stays chilled and we can spend hours in each other’s company just being.

You were born calm with those big eyes looking and observing.  And you have kept that quiet calm preferring to stand back and check things out.

I adored you from that very 1^st second when I discovered you were not in fact the little boy we had envisioned for all those months, but our baby girl.   A delightful squishy happy singing, cooing baby.

Easy going toddler with your blankie and dummy watching endless hours of Barney.

You are an enigma to many.  I know you don’t read so just so you don’t have to ask Siri: a person or thing that is mysterious and difficult to understand.

You have all these complex layers and the ones lucky enough and patient enough to take the time to get to know you, will find someone fiercely loyal and 100% honest.  I am grateful for Dani your forever friend who really sees you and knows you and loves you.  Your tough girl exterior hides a soft heart but don’t worry, I won’t blow your cover.

I love so many things about you but let me just list 10 to keep that ego in check!!

Your individuality.  The one and only Sofes who is unaffected by peer pressure or the approval of others.  You know your worth, you are figuring out who you are and not so reliant on the approval of others.  This will liberate to really seek out your very self and purpose, an ongoing journey.

Your affection.   You know Becks doesn’t do hugs, I hardly see Daniel, Auntie T is not a hugger but you randomly come up to me and fold yourself into my self.   I love the feel and smell of you.  I love how this affection is a gift not freely given but reserved for those lucky few.

Your capability.  If I need the vacuum cleaner assembled or dinner cooked or a tent pitched or just about anything at all you can simply do it or you find out how.  I wish I had that independence. 

Your mix of femininity and strength.  You can be the ultimate diva with your make up and swag but you can take out any boy or girl who gives you shit or gives one of your mates shit.  You don’t bow to gender roles or stereotypes…you just do you never thinking you can't choose whatever you want to be or do.  

Your protection of your friends.   Remember how you laid into that one kid in grade 7 who teased Ben the whole camp and made him cry?  You had enough of the bullying and you took him on and made the bully cry.  It takes a lot to set you off but you will always fight for others, especially those who don’t stand up for themselves.  I am glad it's become more verbal and less physical.  You have a voice and you use it.

Your confidence.  At a time in your life when it’s so easy to get super self-critical you can recognize your flaws (what flaws??) and accept them and still know you are beautiful and fabulous.  You don’t fixate on the negative

Your fashion sense.  You have always had it.   5 years old and throwing together an outfit that you had the confidence to wear.  I don’t.  I can’t even do my make up properly.  Maybe you get that from Auntie Nina.

Your adaptability.  We make plans and then life happens and you spend 2 seconds being disappointed and then you make the most of the new situation.  Being flexible makes life so much easier.

Your desire to travel.  I see your life being full of adventures one day to all sorts of places meeting all sorts of people.  You will have many friends in your life from various nationalities around the globe.  Don’t forget to swing by and visit the ‘rents!  I hope you will have children one day and an awesome man to love you and be your partner but let's see what life has in store for you.

Your tolerance of others and ability to embrace diversity.  In fact you thrive on it which is one of the reasons why you love travel so much.  You do not judge or compartmentalize, we have taught you to be a critical thinker and although this bites me in the arse sometimes, I want you to question and think and evolve and learn from others.  You don’t know it all Sofes, I know at 16 you sometimes think you do but listen and learn from those around you.  For all your days.

 

I pray you will have many many happy years on this earth.  You will be an old lady one day with a life well lived with so many stories to tell.  I wish you good health, good friends, grand adventures, passionate love.  I wish you kindness and humility and patience. 

 

I love being your mommy and I love we get to do many if these adventures together.
Happy sixteenth birthday Sofia, I love you very very much.

 

Mom

The birthday letter...18!!

So this is your traditional annual bday letter from your fave Maaaa.  I know it’s a day late but we were so buggered yesterday after the most epic party ever.  Last year we were in Italy and I don’t remember writing you one?

 

Rebeka Scarlett is 18.  Eighteen?  When did that happen?
The day of your birth is still crystal clear in my mind.  Walking down the hall with Dad thinking how on earth am I about to have Gary Novitzkas’s baby?   There was a time when we SO did not like each other.  Dad watching the footie on the damn TV instead of my birth music.  Obviously!  And then you were finally born so big and red and cross and Dad was instantly smitten.  Our 1^st night when I refused to have you taken to the nursery and tucked you into my bed till you were calm and peaceful.

You and Sofes in Hermanus in your matchy bikinis

You as a toddler in your princess dresses and clippy clop shoes refusing to wear long sleeved anything.  No sleebs Mama!   How you adored your Mimi and screamed blue murder all the way home.   You and Sofes in your matching outfits, I was shameless but I loved it. 

You and Helena at Amazing Discover play school, how cool that you are still besties?   Then Happy Days which was tough for you and your first experience of mean girls.  You stayed so soft, still are really. 

 

Off to De Hoop for grade 1 and Mrs Ohlsen who you loved to bits.  You and Jean balling your eyes out at the end of every single year.   Swimming like a little dolphin in the squad and Dad taking you to all the galas.  Do you remember him teaching you to dive one morning before school in the rain?  He was one dedicated swim dad!

Miss Liezl and Ryan Kemp and going to their wedding.  Mrs Krynauw who you loved so much.  And then grade 7 and you getting the lead role for the school play. My super shy girl being so brave and beautiful on that stage…Molly vd Merwe.  The opening night when Dad and I sat there watching you and Sofes in your pink dresses in the opening scene.  I had to sluk back those tears.  

 

Off to Rhenish High School, so small and skinny in your water polo costume.  You were way too polite for that sport and apologized half the game.  Swimming for the 4M gala, trying so hard to find your tribe.  You and goofy Jenna having so much fun.  

And now in your final year of high school, Rhenish is almost over.  Oh it’s all too quick.

Grade 9 Dad & Daughter dance

 I know this year is sucky and you have missed out on so many special traditions but I am still hoping you get to have your dance.  Mama the hope junkie right?

Isn’t it weird we would have been on a plane tomorrow for our dream trip.  What a huge frikkin’ disappointment but we will still go and I will show you Amsterdam and Paris and London.  We will still do many many trips together like Mimi and I have.

 

Rebeka your whole future and all the firsts await you.  Learning to drive your cute little car, graduating high school, starting uni, falling in love, moving into your own place, traveling with mates, your first real job, building your career, meeting The One, your wedding, making me a granny!

Rhenish Mom & Daughter tea grade 10

I am so very glad you had such a fun party, everyone had a blast!  And I am so grateful Dad and I are in a position to bless you with your little car.  More than that though was witnessing how divine your friends are to you and how they know you so well.  You have your tribe of girlfriends and I can’t even begin to tell you how important it is to have great women friends for the rest of your life.  Friends who love you in the best of times and the worst of times.

 

I know life has not been easy for along while and I can’t promise sunshine and roses but I can promise you my unwavering support and love.  Grab the sushi moments Rebeka, the little patches of sun that keep you warm when it’s cold and dark.  Love yourself and know how you should be treated and loved.  Take chances, learn new things, be open to growth and change.  I don’t have to tell you to work hard but play hard too.  Get off the spinning wheel of life every so often.   I am super proud of you and love you more than I can possibly describe.

 

Happy birthday Rebeka Scarlett, from your fave Ma and biggest fan. xxx