My dad had many little quotes and sayings and this was one
of them. This has felt especially true
for my mother after his passing. She has
the freedom to go anywhere whenever with whomever and come home at any time but
the price of him not being there is just too great a cost.
I moved to Stellenbosch at the end of April. It is literally the neighboring town and
20kms away. I underestimated the impact
of this move on my life. When you first
move to a new town and have a young, growing family, you make a ton of ‘mom’
friends. It’s ante-natal classes and
baby swimming and moms & tots and then its playschool and kindergarten and
junior school. You are intricately
involved in the busy lives of your offspring, which is all consuming. You engage with your community and roll up
your sleeves getting stuck in. Every
time you go to the store you bump into someone you know and have a yak. You fit and you belong and you are part of
the puzzle with your piece fitting in seamlessly. It’s comfortable and safe and familiar. And a little stagnant too.
So after 16 years we made the move and found a house to rent
close to the girls’ school and in the town where Daniel lives. Stellies is
a university town so an eclectic mix of students and families and old Afrikaans
families that have lived there forever.
We own our previous home which has been renovated a few times to fit us
perfectly. This new home is a rental and
for Gary, not his home. He understands
the need for convenience of being close to the schools but it is just not his
home. The girls and I are more flexible
and we are happy to live in this house that has this fantasy beautiful enormous
garden and pool. It will be spectacular
in the summer that creeps around in a few months time. When your kids are teens you are less involved
and mothers have long since got their groups of established friends. I get it, I do and I try not to take it personally.
I drive up and down all afternoon fetching and carrying and
being 5 minutes from school stays an amazing novelty. In summer they can walk down although this is
probably an unrealistic fantasy. I have
found a doctor and a dentist and I am building up my infrastructure
network. Just not my personal network. I pretend to be cool and not needy so
casually ask if anyone can help me out with a ride for my girls. After no response I find one…it’s uber. When I go down to the store I bump into no
one for a random chat in the pasta aisle.
One would think this is great, being anonymous but it’s not. But…I have running. And not just regular running, I have the
trails. More forest and mountains than I
could ever hope to cover. I walk out my
house up the road and I am in the mountains.
I have found such a fun trail group I run with on a Wednesday and Friday
morning. Another social group on a
Thursday morning. I also have a friend,
a real life friend who is my Tuesday partner and we yak all the way. When my marathon is done I will join the
walking moms once a week as we head for the mountains with an assortment of
over excited dogs.
Human contact and interaction and belonging with the added
gift of my mountain and forest. It is
not the close network of friends who I had.
No one will randomly pop in for tea or a glass of wine and somehow my
old friends don’t seem to make the 20km drive out to Stellies to hook up. It’s the price I pay for living in this
beauty. The loss of a close spontaneous friendship
circle and support. The loss of my
familiar home with its cozy fireplace and a non grumbly husband because he was
happy there. It is good practice and a reality check if I
ever relocate to another country. The
lonely non belonging will be even worse. It HAS to be somewhere exquisite be it
mountains, lakes, forest or oceans and I will always run and run and run. Everything comes at a price.
