Saturday, July 26, 2014

Day 4 of no exercise

My op was on Wednesday afternoon.  Thank goodness I had a full week of training before then and the Friday was going to be my rest day.  The training for Ironman 70.3 only starts early August but I thought I would train for 2 weeks so I didn't absolutely die when I started.  I am very intimidated by the training ahead, by this crazy race I have entered which leaves me both terrified and excited.

Initially when Dr Toogood saw the wound he said 7 to 10 days. (Plastic surgeon and his name is Toogood!)  It felt very long but the consolation was I would be OK when we started the training programme and I would also be able to run the Spar Ladies 10KM I have entered on the 9th of August.  Last year it was my first 10km run so it has sentimental significance for me.  The swelling on the one side of my leg concerned my doc (and husband) which is why he thought possible fracture so he sent me off to x-rays.   Yay for no fracture which would have meant a longer recovery.  When he did the op he found the swelling was due to the skin separating from the muscle creating a cavity he could put his whole hand in.  He had to do internal stitches to re-attach and then sew up the other surface wound. 7-10 days had just become 21 days.

That is a very, very long time.  I see him Tuesday to have my dressing changed and I will then ask him what I can safely do so long.  Maybe some walking and swimming with the pool buoy between my knees so I don't kick.  As you know I only began exercising somewhere in my thirties.  I only starting exercising hectically in my forties.  How I survived my twenties doing nothing is beyond me.  I think a combo of a fast metabolism and natural predisposition to anxiety, the way I walk normally (I walk so fast I practically run) and having a little ADHD boy meant I was running around far more than I thought.  When you a single mom without much money you are forced to do plenty free fun stuff with your kid.  Much of this involves physical activity like swimming and hiking and playing ball or simply running after him.  He was hectic when he was little, hard to relate to now having morphed into a teen sloth.

Fortunately my road bike accident was nothing stupid I did unlike my mountain bike accidents.  I made sure I had 4 people in the group.  We left at 8.30 to avoid the hectic traffic.  One of us had a phone.  I asked the guy cycling with me to check my left gears which he did while we were cycling next to each other and I don't know if he pulled the break or what he did or if we simply got stuck together but I was falling and my feet were clipped in and I could not avoid it.  Something on the bike jammed in my leg.  The good thing is I managed to pull myself and my bike out of then road and the timing meant no one drove over me which is always a bonus.  I think its a God thing.  I had been super anxious before the cycle.  I even wrote something on a friends FB page.  While cycling I stayed anxious and my friend still asked why I looked so down.  I just prayed and said nothing can really protect me except you Jesus so please keep me safe.  I know for many of you, me having the bike accident means He didn't keep me safe but for me I believe my anxiety was a premonition of far worse and the urgent need to pray is the reason I am not sitting on my beach chair in heaven admiring the view while typing this on my laptop.  Do you ever get that awful feeling of worry that randomly pops up?  I do.  Sometimes Gary is on his way home or one of the kids is doing something and I get that dread feeling and that is when I pray for God's protection.  I believe if we look back at a movie of our lives we will see how many times He stepped in and kept us safe. 

Its crazy how I now notice what I am eating all the time.  Before it wasn't an issue as whatever I ate was simply fuel to be burned up at the next training session.  Now a combo of bored, PMS and miserable AND stuck at home means I eat more rubbish.  I will never live like this given a choice.  I also know now overweight people will ALWAYS be overweight if they do not exercise.  You can Noaks and banting all you like and never ever sniff a single carb but you will not be slim forever and you will not be healthy and physically strong.  You will just be deprived and food obsessed. 

The moral of this rather boring, sad post is get out there and move your body.  Find something that you like to do.  Start off slow, walk your dog.  Find a yoga class, cycle a block with your kids.  Swim a few lengths in the pool.  I know what I do is extreme and after Jan next year I plan to be more 'normal' in my exercise but I do know exercising and endorphins are essential for optimal physical and mental health.  Once recovered I will never ever have a time in my life when I do absolutely nothing regardless of my age.  The privilege of being able to be mobile and move our bodies is not to be taken for granted and wasted.  17 days to go!

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

To my Daniel on his 18th Birthday. EIGHTEEN?!

The world considers you an adult today. Eighteen years old, you can vote, drive, go to prison, buy property and be a legal guardian to your sisters.  This is totally crazy for me because how on earth could 18 years have flashed by this fast??   Happy birthday Daniel.  You might be an adult in the eyes of this world but you are my boy and I will always stay your mom who worries about you, nags a little, protects you, looks out for you, stays proud of you and just absolutely loves you with everything I have.

The moment of your birth is so clear.  I have told you this before (Getting old, repeating myself!) but the moment you were born I knew that God existed.  I was not what you would call a Christian back then but I just knew without a shadow of a doubt that God really did exist and created you.  I felt so entrusted with you.   Like He was personally handing you over telling me you were mine to raise but you did not belong to me, you belong to Him.   In the early terrifying days of being this young mother I would look at my face in the
mirror and I could see I was forever changed.  Love had come like a massive wave and crashed into me and when I emerged I was not the same person.  I couldn’t believe I was capable of love like that. I cannot wait till you hold your own baby and we make eye contact for that brief intense moment and you get it.
Remember what I am telling you now. Only then will you understand how much I love you.  And don’t make it too soon please!  And not too long either.  Anytime from age 25 will do thank you!! 

We have had so much fun getting you to this point in your life.  I know you are not thrilled with the big nose and skinny legs I have handed you but you have my travel bug and sense of humour too.   Being able to laugh at stuff, it’s important.  Life is still going to throw you many curve balls and I wish I could save you from some of the storms but that isn’t how it works. Know you can always come home and have a place that is safe and dry.  Speaking of home I am so glad you are not moving out yet.  I know I have to let you
go and I have done this bit by bit over the past 5 years but I am not quite ready to have you no longer being around to irritate me and eat all my food and leave your smelly washing lying around.  

For years and years I have been telling people how successful you will be one day.  I am not bragging or being biased but I just know.  I also know way back when there was an old Loebenberg grandpa who prayed blessing and favour over his descendants and this includes you.  You have a path to travel before you get there with lots of hard graft.  Stay humble and learn all you can from those around you.  Do what you do with excellence and passion.   Don’t forget you have to buy me that beach house one day.  Your success will come with responsibility and I am glad you are generous because God will expect you to pay it forward.   
I know you don’t do warm and fuzzy and this is probably the longest thing you have read in forever so I will try and wrap this up.  I am glad your arsehole teenage years are mostly over.  Thanks for not being a
complete brat.  I know half the time you got caught up in the peer pressure of needing to act rebellious or
argumentative because that was the done thing in the arsehole years but I never quite believed you.  I appreciate this new you.  Respectful and more considerate and taking ownership of your studies and your life.   

Daniel please, please be very careful.  Drive carefully, never ever get into your car pissed or anyone else’s car.   Be safe in Thailand and enjoy your adventure.  You are at the brink of your grown up life with endless possibilities and it is so exciting.  Work hard, love hard, laugh hard, be respectful, stay humble, be safe, stay true to who you are and have a blast in this 18th year of your life.  I am so proud to be your mom and enjoy you so much.   LOVE you!!!