Thursday, May 9, 2019

Gifts from my Pops

It’s my Dad’s 70th birthday today.  I have felt a little heartsore all week but I know it is a culmination of the house move as well as the approaching big birthday that is finally here.

Before he got sick we decided on this big plan to celebrate the ‘rents both turning 70, their 50th wedding anniversary and Tertia aka ou sus turning 50.  We would all go to Mauritius on a grand family holiday.  Paul & Lisa would come down and Nina and her Paul and the Bisson critters and Tertia & Marko and their lot and my own family to join the fogles for this island holiday.  And then he got sick and we did 16 months of cancer which was f*cking brutal and he was gone.

My dad never really got old although he sometimes acted like an old fart.  It’s not fair though.  I am jealous of people with their old dads.  Of golden wedding anniversaries and 70ths and 80ths.  But I have my mother which is huge and I am beyond grateful for that.  Many have no parents.  Adult orphans, it’s just too sad and I am so sorry if that’s you.

So no party for my dad or phone call or presents to mark this major birthday.  But he did leave us some gifts so I honour him by remembering them and being mindful of them. 

Thanks for connecting all of us Dad.  You only ever wanted us to be close to each other, to mom, to have everyone around.  When you got sick we drew even closer in and made this little bubble.  Old wounds were healed, forgiveness granted and accepted and a new gentle kindness we still keep and practice today. 

Thanks for leaving Mom well taken care of.  It was always your intention to ensure she would never have to worry and we as her kids are very grateful to know she is sorted.  To know she has her lovely home and can travel and live a good life.   Don’t worry about dodgy men!  We will make sure no one steals her bucks.

Thanks for your presence I feel much more than I could have dreamt of.  For never being too far away.  For continued guidance as we hear the words you spoke so often.  Those words that were sometimes so damn annoying yet I would love to hear them again.  You gave us a good foundation.

Thanks for Daniel.  For what you put in to help me to parent him.  He had you right until 21 and I wish your other grandkids could have had that too.  Geez I hope you know how he is doing.  Totally fulfilling his destiny and all we wished for him.  He says you have been so on his mind lately and every night when he lies in bed and thinks about business and their vision going forward, he thinks of you too.  That is 100% the thing I miss the most, having you be as proud of him as I am.  Calling you to brag a little.

I miss you and Mom.  I miss Mimi&Pops.  I miss watching you interact with the grandkids.  I miss you walking around my garden and showing me your own gorgeous garden.  Mom and Hans have done you proud and it’s looking amazing btw!  I miss your stories of your camper van fokermobile adventures.  I miss the mundane every day things about having both my parents around.  Sleeping over and chatting to you about my races and my plans and old friends you always ask about.   I miss you and Uncle B and how you laughed and joked and teased your whole lives.  I miss you Dad, a lot.  Happy happy birthday!