Someone said something about my kids and then about my parenting last week that got me thinking. The comment re my kids was clearly untrue so that fell away but the comment about my parenting was like a toothache that throbbed every now and again. If a comment offends or upsets me I know there is an element of truth in it. Growing and self-actualizing means I want to be better, do better, know more.
Years ago pre my Gary I was in an abusive relationship with an alcoholic. I don’t talk about it much or even think about it but it is relevant to the topic at hand. When he got drunk he would become a real arsehole. He would shout at me just inches from my face: “You think you are so beautiful. You think you are such a model. You are just a bitch.” His words failed to penetrate because they were simply not true. It was his own extreme jealousy and insecurity. So re the comment about my parenting: The statement was about me being super over involved in my children’s lives. Am I? Do I need to change this? I genuinely try and not be the lawnmower or helicopter parent so I said this wasn’t true which evoked much mirth from said person who said I interfered all the time. Daniel said I didn’t actually and pretty much left him to his own devices.
But then the past few weeks or even month I have been super involved with 2 of my 3 kids. They say we are only as happy as our unhappiest child and it is so true. They need to handle the nitty gritty day to day stuff but the biggies, this is where I step in. I feel our kids will make plenty of their own mistakes and learn plenty painful lessons and the resilience they need for life. But, if they are really unhappy or I can see them making some really poor choices that have long term consequences, I will step in. I will interfere, get involved and try and help them. I have made so many of my own mistakes, which along with my 47 years of life, have given me some wisdom to impart.
So right now I am smack bang in the thick of things trying to love, support, advise, steer and soften the blows. We all parent the best way we know how and I would imagine many see me as way too involved. But, I see the future picture and I see the present struggle and I know they will get there. But not alone, their Mama will walk a few paces behind and a few paces ahead and I will probably do this all their lives when times are tough. I have made peace with this side of me. It’s who I am and what I do. It’s who we are as a family and what we do. It’s all good.