Tuesday, December 31, 2013

And another year ends

I like to reflect on my year and make goals for the next one.   17 years ago I went through a few very tough years with massive changes, broken hearts, changes of jobs, guys, homes, cities and eventually I settled and that rough and crazy season ended.
I enjoyed the respite of a decade or so and then 5 years ago the sh*t hit the fan again and my mom was diagnosed with ovarian cancer at age 60 in the December.  We were NOT that family, we were supposed to be invincible.  6 months later after Mom enduring grueling chemo my Dad has a heart attack, triple bypass and a stroke a month after his 60th birthday.  My family and life as I knew it was forever changed. Is forever changed.   Since then life has thrown me with one challenge after another and I no longer start the year with the innocent and expectant hope of a better year, an easier one.  I man up and I know life will kick me in the teeth challenge me and I will continue to go through hard times.    

You know what, its OK.  God never promised an easy life.  His power is made perfect in my weakness and amidst the tough times are the tender times, the fun times and the moments of pure happiness.  Its the mixed bag called life and I just have to live it to the max knowing He will see me through anything.  Do I hope and pray for safety and protection for my family and I, for calm times, for a respite, for healing for my dystonia, for healing for a broken marriage (not mine) and for a season in my life where I don't have to fight so damn hard and be so damn brave.  Absolutely. 

My goals were big this year.  Surviving my brain op did feel like the proverbial 2nd chance even though the mortality figure was not high.  Healing and getting stronger and re appreciating my health and my body made me live my life to the absolute fullest in 2013.  My first run, getting my bike and discovering what fun it is to cycle.  Working hard at my swimming.  Being fitter and more toned at 42 than I have ever been, its a good feeling.  Finishing that triathlon was probably the biggest high of 2013 and then getting my 7 out of 8 distinctions for my UNISA studies.  I worked damn hard this year, every day, at me desk, determined to actually learn and plan for my future career which some scoff at given my age.  Although I will only die in my late eighties if I die tomorrow I have no regrets.  I have given this year horns, I have pushed myself beyond all limits and finishing off with this crazy mountain bike camp was a good metaphor for 2013. 

And next year?  Tomorrow in fact.  Study hard (my text books and work load looks so kak scary!) and do my best.   Do 3 triathlons for the year.   Do a few 10km road races and some trail races for fun.  (Original goal of half marathon scrapped, just don't love running enough!)  Swim a few mile open water swims.  And the mountain biking?  Not sure about that one.  I crapped myself most of the time on this cycle camp.  I don't have the skills and I might just be too old with too much to lose for such an extreme sport.  I am thinking trail cycling...jeep tracks, gentle hills, vineyards and single track minus the boulders and deep grooves.  I will do a skill clinic which I should have actually done before this camp and see. All what I know is I feel extremely blessed to have my precious family, my team and what ever I do in 2014 I will do with all I have within me and then some.

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