Sunday, March 30, 2014

100 days of Gratitude

Tomorrow is April 1st and one of my fave months.  I have seen a few people doing a 100 days of happiness posts on FB and while I love it, I am not in that space to keep up happy for 100 days.  I know it’s a choice and finding the simple little things that make us happy but I have decided to do 100 days of gratitude instead.

I haven’t said anything lately for fear of boring you all but my Dystonia is extremely bad at the moment.  My mouth is incredibly painful and I am once again constantly sipping hot tea, cold water, lip-ice on lips and sucking sweets.  I met a lady this weekend while on the river that has dystonia in her whole body.  Her hands and feet and back are especially bad.  It was great for both of us to chat and share although I was surprised how unconnected she is.   I find it easier to find other Dystonia sufferers to compare docs and meds and who get how utterly depressing it can be.  I also felt guilty because she has it so much worse than me and many sufferers are limited in their physical activity.   For me it’s just the pain aspect and speech but otherwise I am not limited in my movement.

My triathlon is in less than 4 weeks.  I am really nervous and don’t feel prepared at all.  I know I have just under  4 weeks so do have time but it is still daunting for me.  Doing the sprint distance was such a biggie so doing double is pretty scary.  I am also afraid of the icy cold water and apparently the smell in the harbour is pretty bad so I don’t want to feel nauseous as swallowing some lovely stinky sea water will unfortunately be inevitable.  I am not sure how stiff I will be getting out my wetsuit and then onto my bike.  I get cold quite easily.  I might wear an old top over my Tri suit and then just turf it mid cycle when I get hot.   The run will be OK as I can walk when I need to but I am still hoping for sub 1 hour 10km run.  Maybe unrealistic but we will see.  I know many of you think why do something like this when I am already anxious and struggle with back pain as well as my mouth.  I get that it doesn’t always make sense but so much of it does.  Growing up non sporty in a very non sporty family and then getting to totally reinvent myself at age 40 is cool.  Love it.  I love the camaraderie of the sport.   I love the extremeness, the discipline and sheer force of will it takes.  I love calling myself an athlete, it is so foreign for me.  Athlete?   It is also a way of saying F-you to my back and my mouth.  As a stubborn old mule I refuse to accept that my physicality means I can’t play.  I am playing too!  Not as fast and not as far (no thanks to full Ironman!!) but none the less I am swimming, cycling, running and I am doing it with everyone else.   

So, plan:  Chat to my coach and get some perspective.  Practice a transition after a cold sea swim when I am at the slurring speech stiff fingered stage.  Do a 40km cycle time trial and see if I can get to 90 minutes.   Buy cycling shoes, MUST get out my takkies and over my fear!!  Will be only arlie at ITU in takkies cycling along with all those people watching.    Phone my neuro and ask why my back still so sore a week after the facet block.  Right, back in the saddle.  I can do this, I’ve got it.  Grateful already and #100daysofgratitude only starts tomorrow.    

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