Tomorrow is April 1st and one of my fave
months. I have seen a few people doing a
100 days of happiness posts on FB and while I love it, I am not in that space
to keep up happy for 100 days. I know it’s
a choice and finding the simple little things that make us happy but I have
decided to do 100 days of gratitude instead.
I haven’t said anything lately for fear of boring you all
but my Dystonia is extremely bad at the moment.
My mouth is incredibly painful and I am once again constantly sipping
hot tea, cold water, lip-ice on lips and sucking sweets. I met a lady this weekend while on the river that
has dystonia in her whole body. Her hands
and feet and back are especially bad. It
was great for both of us to chat and share although I was surprised how unconnected
she is. I find it easier to find other
Dystonia sufferers to compare docs and meds and who get how utterly depressing
it can be. I also felt guilty because she
has it so much worse than me and many sufferers are limited in their physical
activity. For me it’s just the pain aspect and speech
but otherwise I am not limited in my movement.
My triathlon is in less than 4 weeks. I am really nervous and don’t feel prepared
at all. I know I have just under 4 weeks so do have time but it is still
daunting for me. Doing the sprint
distance was such a biggie so doing double is pretty scary. I am also afraid of the icy cold water and
apparently the smell in the harbour is pretty bad so I don’t want to feel
nauseous as swallowing some lovely stinky sea water will unfortunately be
inevitable. I am not sure how stiff I
will be getting out my wetsuit and then onto my bike. I get cold quite easily. I might wear an old top over my Tri suit and
then just turf it mid cycle when I get hot.
The run will be OK as I can walk when I need to but I am still hoping
for sub 1 hour 10km run. Maybe
unrealistic but we will see. I know many
of you think why do something like this when I am already anxious and struggle
with back pain as well as my mouth. I
get that it doesn’t always make sense but so much of it does. Growing up non sporty in a very non sporty
family and then getting to totally reinvent myself at age 40 is cool. Love it.
I love the camaraderie of the sport. I love
the extremeness, the discipline and sheer force of will it takes. I love calling myself an athlete, it is so
foreign for me. Athlete? It is also a way of saying F-you to my back
and my mouth. As a stubborn old mule I
refuse to accept that my physicality means I can’t play. I am playing too! Not as fast and not as far (no thanks to full
Ironman!!) but none the less I am swimming, cycling, running and I am doing it
with everyone else.
So, plan: Chat to my
coach and get some perspective. Practice
a transition after a cold sea swim when I am at the slurring speech stiff
fingered stage. Do a 40km cycle time
trial and see if I can get to 90 minutes.
Buy cycling shoes, MUST get out my takkies and over my fear!! Will be only arlie at ITU in takkies cycling
along with all those people watching. Phone my neuro and ask why my back still so
sore a week after the facet block.
Right, back in the saddle. I can
do this, I’ve got it. Grateful already
and #100daysofgratitude only starts tomorrow.
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