A major way of dealing with my anxiety is planning. My entire study schedule is mapped out for
the year with each day having a different subject and quantity of work I need
to get through. Holidays are blocked out
(the 1st year I made the mistake of scheduling studying in during
school holidays and it just doesn’t work)
My files are labelled and shelved and my books on labelled sections of
my shelf.
The kid’s schedules of extra murals are written up for each
day. The sports bags are immediately
repacked and hung up on hooks in the garage.
I have everything written in my diary and reply slips and money are sent
back the next day. Fetching them stresses
me out every single day as they all finish the same time at different locations. I am longing for Daniel’s car more than he
is!
Now that I have a Tri coach my training schedule is
carefully worked out. I have only ever
missed one day and I hated missing it.
Made me irritable and anxious. I
like to see what I have to do each day and even when I run, I take a little
piece of paper with to complete the set.
Control=calm.
I never run out of loo paper, cleaning materials, bread or
milk. If I can avoid situations that
cause me stress then I do. When I
blogged often in the past and it was about something controversial I used to
get very anxious when people got nasty in the comments. Now my life is too crazy to debate over
random topics that cause all sorts of trolls to come out and vomit up their
malice. I have also learned that mean
people are usually hurt and insecure.
They break down others because they themselves are broken. It makes me softer in my response and I take
it less personally.
The problem with my life at the moment is I have too much
going on and nothing can give right now.
I am consciously controlling my anxiety every day but my Dystonia is
very bad and my mouth extremely sore so I guess much if it is physiological and
beyond my control. Next week is PMS week
and then the wheels normally come off. I
have xanor for emergency and plan on taking it for 3 days to get me through
those hairy days.
I sound a bit OCD but I am really not. It’s my stress management techniques I employ
so I can lessen the anxiety. The school
situation with my Sofie almost sent me over the edge. I take this mama thing very seriously and I
am well aware of the potential we have as parents to make or break our
kids. Studying psychology doesn’t help
as most of the sh*t adults deal with seem to stem from childhood issues. Anyway the Sofie plan is as follows:
No Waldorf school for now. After the 1st visit I thought what an amazing place for
her. Then I started researching and like
anything alternative, opinions are either very pro or very anti. My biggest concern was integration back into
main stream school if I sent her to a regular high school which is the present
plan. If she did stay how would she
cope at varsity? Some said fine, some said they were way
behind. A friends sister had to be home
schooled for a year just to catch up. Each child is
an individual so it’s hard to say. Apparently
the discipline is not strong but she is a well behaved child so that wasn’t an
issue. Lack of sport also not an issue as she has
club swimming, riding and rhythmic gymnastics each week. But anyway, Waldorf shelved for now.
Coping mechanisms at her present school: I have employed a tutor once a week who is
highly trained and teaches at another school.
She will help her once a week for now and every day during exam
time. She is over qualified so doing me
a favour actually and Sofie loves her so it’s a win-win. Then
every day Rebeka meets her sister at her class to help pack her bag with all
the books she needs. Old clothes come
home, sports bags, lunch boxes and most importantly the correct books. Rebeka gets paid R20 a week and Mom keeps her
sanity. I know I am not empowering Sofie
but when she is a little older and less overwhelmed she will learn to do this all
herself. Sanity 1st! I have kept her on the 10mg Ritalin for now
and quite honestly don’t know if it’s making any difference. If she continues to cope how she is coping I
will either keep it at 10 or take her off to see if there is a difference. I will not change 20mg unless I absolutely
have to.
I am also looking at ADD and ADHD kids in a whole new
light. The amount of Loebenberg kids
who have ADD and ADHD is crazy. I have
decided it’s not a disability. It’s
simply an inability to cope with the rigidity of the mainstream school
system. We have smart well balanced kids
who are simply too clever or creative to do arb and boring mundane tasks in
their grey socks and grey trousers.
These are curious creative people who when they find something
interesting, can hyperfocus. It is why
so many entrepreneurs are ADHD and very successful. They are leaders who think out the box, who
are prepared to take risks. I am excited
to see who they all grow up to be one day.
As we driving to gym today Sofie asks me: If a mother who only has one
child loses that child because her child died, is she still a mother? What a very sad question but a rather deep
one for a little person of 9. Yes my
Sofie, she will always be a mother. I
will always be a mother, I will always worry about my kids and I will always do
my absolute best for my 3 people who I am so blessed to have given birth
to. Like I said, super fierce and extremely vulnerable all at the same time,
that’s just how we mothers roll.
I love this post. It is so real and it's great to see your plan includes others too - if more of us helped each other when it was needed, the world would be a better place. Sofie will get to be more independent & organised as she gets older and, God willing, you will look at this post in the not to distant future and say, "what was I worrying about?".
ReplyDeleteMy oldest (15) was kind of diagnosed with ADD but we chose not to medicate him. I worry constantly if we made the right decision. We moved him to a school with smaller classes and it has still been a battle. It is his 3rd year there and we are only now getting the teachers on the same page as us regarding his abilities.
ReplyDeleteThen there is my 4yr old who I think is heading in the ADHD direction. He is very different to other kids and also very rebellious. We have been thinking about putting him into a Montessori school but have the same concerns as you re going to high school. Might just put him into the same school as his brother. It's tough being a parent!
Hi, please take a look at http://addlab.co.za
ReplyDeleteI took my daughter to ADD Lab Jhb and they diagnosed her from a 2 hour brain function test and gave a 40 page report. Sometimes symptoms look like ADD but they could be something else. My daughter has anxiety disorder and sleep disorder, but not ADD. If I had to put her on meds she would become very depressed they said.