When you are a girl mom or even just a girl yourself you understand how complicated female friendships are. This starts at about 4 and judging by the actions and behaviour of my mother and her friends and me and mine, it continues throughout our life.
Guys in comparison are simple creatures without that need for the intense friendships we have. They can speak to their mate every so often and it’s no issue. If someone doesn’t like them, it’s a f*ck them thing. They don’t agonize over why the person doesn’t like them and they move swiftly on to another chap to speak about the latest footie game or what is happening at Google. Now I do know you get the exception and I am generalizing here and yes you do get the deep and sensitive chap.
Anyway, I see how my girls have struggled over the years and the teen years have not even started yet. Girls bully by exclusion, who can or cannot sit with the current cool crowd, eat lunch with them or be included in their game. Rebeka has 2 special friends and I am very grateful she is over the isolated pushed out phase. Obviously 3 is often a crowd though with someone inevitably being left out. Sofie struggles socially and it kills me. I know she can be stroppy and she acts all tough but she finds it hard. As many will identify, we handle most of the tough stuff re our kids OK but when it comes to them feeling left out or like they have no one to hang out with at school, well that is like a punch to the heart for me. I wish I could teach her to be more likable at school and not pretend to be all tough and pretend she doesn’t care. Every group I suggest supposedly has one girl in it she thinks is mean. She cannot seem to just play with the rest and ignore that one. Or they will be playing netball or something and when she asks to join in they say no. Oh it kills me. So I guess it’s not just my appalling ball skills and lack of aggression on the hockey field I have passed down, it’s my over sensitivity.
The good thing about being sensitive and aware is you see things; you feel things and experience things that pass many by. Colours are brighter, music is louder, pain of others filters onto you even when you don’t know them. It is why I will be a good social worker and counsellor and it is why it will be hard for me too.
Yesterday Sofie tells me it’s alright she doesn’t need friends because she sits with her sister or she walks to the library or reads her book to pass the time and the characters in her book are her friends. I wish I could help her, be a fly on the wall to see how she handles social situations so I can advise her. Thank goodness she has 2 gorgeous out of school friends, Dani and Teagan, and me, her BFF!
It’s been a long week, my Dystonia has been horrendous and unrelenting. I am going to think about fun things, Polly-Anna things. I am going to make more of an effort to see my friends, FB ensures we know all the details of each other’s lives but it doesn’t mean as much as face time. I am going to start my Ironman 70.3 training soon, my leg is now on day 25 and healing well. No running yet but walking, spinning and swimming. I am going to finish my assignment I am really into and I am going to think about my end of year holiday even though it’s a thousand sleeps away. Hey, I just counted, make that 127 sleeps. Its 6.48pm, I wish it was bedtime so I could write this week off and wake-up tomorrow with the promise of a new day. I know everyone has felt the death of Robin Williams this week and it has left us all feeling rather raw and sad and even exposed. OK, rambling now, going to go and chat to my Prisca. What a bonus that even though Daniel and her are no longer really friends after being BFFs years ago I get to keep her! Love my kids’ friends, love mine too. Bye x