Friday, October 30, 2015


How does that song go? R E S P E C T, find out what it means to me....tra lah lah.  (Cannot sing!)  So I want to chat about respecting each other.  I am about to complete my 4th year of my social work studies.  Next year I do my honours which will take place over 2 years.  A big part of our theory is working with people and trusting in their own self-determination and respecting their choices.  We understand we do not know them how they know themselves.  How could we?

We learn about constructivism and how we all construct our own truth based on our perceptions, values and experiences.  While we have universal laws to keep society functioning, even these differ from culture to culture.  Without one exact 100% truth for all, we cannot judge anothers.   We also allow others to own their own truth without being threatened or feel the need to convince them our truth is the ONLY truth.  Everyone else is not wrong, deceived or ignorant, they are DIFFERENT and that's OK.  That is in fact great because diversity teaches us so much.

My spiritual life is a journey that never stops.  Along the way I learn what I believe to be true only to go through experiences where I learn a new true or adjust to a new self.   I have more questions than answers and I know that is OK too.  I am a critical thinker, because 'I say so' never cut it with me. I need to think, taste this truth on my tongue and soul and feel how it resonates with who I am.  Does it fit with how I think, believe and love?  If it doesn't, if it hurts anyone or makes them feel less than then it doesn't fit.  I have screwed up along the way, especially in my early days as a Christian when I did not trust my own discernment.  I probably acted like an arsehole sometimes and I apologize for the arrogance, it came from a good place.  For all those who judge me, question my integrity, my truth, my discernment, my intelligence, my ability to know what is best for me and my kids, I recognize that you too are trying to do this from a good place and don't mean to be a bully.  Do you understand you alienate people?  You disrespect them and hurt them and you do not show the love of Christ.  I swear, I have some serious issues with the contradictions and stories in the bible, I question, I take my kids trick or treating, I support gay rights, I passionately believe we need to accept and respect all people just as they are and I also don't decide who is going to hell or not.  At the moment I am not going to church which I am sure suits many people as what do you do with someone like me?   Actually based on the fact no one has called Gary or myself after going there for 11 years and now not means their is a good chance they probably haven't noticed.   I love most of them and know some really do care about us. 

A good friend told me to look for the light and not the darkness in life.  We can find both if we look hard enough.  So I am not blind or rebellious or trying to please people or 'the world' or a point.  I am simply staying true to myself and to who I believe Jesus to be.  The plus side is I have found many people scattered across the globe who also share this philosophy, to just love as He does.  Who know they are pretty f*cked up too, as much as anyone else but who want to do love well.  I have even found a pastor who attempts to love like this so I have virtual fellowship which helps a little with the hurt I feel at the loss of my church.  He wrote this piece on love which I so relate to.  Actually I relate to all his posts and he makes me feel less alone along with the many people who read his work and are trying to figure it all out.  He wrote that really cool piece on what he would say to his kids if they were gay.   I hope to meet him and his lovely wife and critters in real life one day otherwise I will see him in heaven.  We will hang with Jesus and talk about stuff.  All the other misfits will be there too.

So I do need to study and stop blogging but I wanted to explain myself even though my mom tells me a thousand times I don't.  I know I don't owe anyone an explanation.  The loss of my church this year has been painful for me so I have wanted to.  For non churchy folk, I hope I haven't put you off God.  Oh its an awesome love.  So frikkin big and bright and kind and healing.  A splendid God so fascinating and brilliant.  The love of Christ that sees no flaws but right to the depths of my soul where he loves me as I deserve to be.  In a life that is so damn hard with so much sorrow and misunderstanding it is my lifeline, my floaty device I hang onto when I feel too tired to tread water and I am afraid I might drown.  

PS:  If you feel the need to send me any scripture or articles so I can see the light please go and re read my post and sing the respect song.  #justlove     

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