Saturday, September 22, 2012

God parents and Guardians

Their is always a little confusion re the role of what is expected from a god parent and what is expected from a guardian.  I think god parents were more in vogue in the times of us growing up and seemed to play an active role.

I have recently had the honour of acquiring a little god daughter and the whole family is extremely chuffed.   It took me a little while to allow myself to care for her.  I seem to have adoption infertility heart ache.   Actually the ache is now a sad regret and no longer so painful.  Readers from my old blog would know it was a very strong desire for me and at one time, close to a reality.  I wanted a little African girl aged around 2 years.  Adoption requires much input from the whole family so we all spoke about it at length.  It also requires a bonding process as you get closer to having this person be enveloped in your family.   From the time you enter the process, you are expecting.   Cross cultural adoption carries its own challenges so I was forced to think of years ahead like schooling and dating and family etc.   The girls in the family were beyond keen, we were ready for our sister and our daughter whose name was probably going to be Anna.  I had a room for her and was glad I had kept my Treehouse twinkle pinkle curtains both her sisters had used.  Because we were going for a toddler,  she existed somewhere in SA and I prayed for her safety and happiness.  Yes I went too far, I always do.   I wrote her a few letters that I wanted to put in her baby book.  Stupid, stupid me who never learns but splays my heart foolishly open getting caught in the high.    Gary and Daniel were not keen although Gary would give me moments of hope every so often.  He came with to an adoption orientation along with my mom the granny and we had a few conversations.  One day he mentioned to me that I could get any dog I wanted if we didn't adopt.    Seriously.  Really?   I very painfully and very angrily closed the box and laid the whole thing to rest.  It's not his fault he doesn't want to but it didn't stop me feeling full of rage and hate.  I went away for 2 days alone to recover and told him I never EVER want to talk about it again.  EVER.

A few months ago my good friend adopted a gorgeous little Zulu girl just before her birthday and very kindly asked me to be her god mother.  She knows my story.  Like I say I had to just squeeze the lid on my Anna box a little tighter so those feelings wouldn't seep out again.  I just can't go there and its not great for my marriage.  I am OK now.  I will enjoy the blessing of her and get to know her.  My girls adore her already and my mother has declared herself god granny.  Next Sat she comes to sleep over for the whole night.  Quite frankly it makes me a little nervous, I haven't had a baby for 8 long years plus she doesn't know us that well.   Monday we practice for 3 hours doing the bath and the feed etc.   We are so excited.  I think I have lid down strongly enough to allow myself to love our Mila.  I adore children, I should have had 4 minimum and would have been happy with 6.  I feel blessed that my kids' friends are often at my house and I can enjoy lots of laughing little bodies running around and bringing their energy and kid fun in my home.

I am still not quite sure of the role a god mother plays over a guardian.  The latter is forever and never a preferred deal as it would mean you would have lost a very special couple and have to raise kids who have lost their parents.   I am signed up for both and know I have the capacity to really love any child from heart or body.   I do know god mothers get to smooch brown chubby thighs and round bellies and in 2 sleeps time I will be doing just that.  I know my job is spoiling her and praying for her and being around to guide her and answer her questions about our creator and her place in the world.  I am grateful to her mom for allowing me in and getting to share her a little.   

PS, I do love my husband but when it comes to kids, the same page is crucial. 
PPS, I really am incredibly grateful for my 3 kids
PPPS, getting my little Jack Russel dog Lucy did give me much joy.  Curtains in cupboard for the next decade till I get a grandcritter!  

1 comment:

  1. I took my role as godmother to my cousin's son very seriously and we use to spend a lot of time together when he was a youngster... in fact, my daughter still claims to have middle child syndrome because he is seen as the "first born". I absolutely adore him but as his gotten older, he no longer needs another mom and although the love is stll there (for each other); we don't see each other as often but when we do it's great. I guess the role is probably more important to the adult in the relationship...