Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Square peg Round hole

That’s how I feel about me and the general church.  Sjoe, religion introduced to this blog at last.  We had some good discussions about God and religion on the old blog.   I love Jesus but I just happen to love diversity and embrace all that is different.    I have always been one to question and seek and wrestle and ask.  I remember being 16 and Catholic and having this fat argument with why I couldn’t ask God directly for forgiveness.  Why I had to go to confession and speak to some guy who I wouldn’t be truthful with anyway.

I hate intolerance and I hate any form of discrimination.   I cannot understand why gay people should be defined by their sexuality to the point where they cannot marry their partner or have children.  Why people reject others because they gay, even beloved family.   I am embarrassed that the church in general doesn’t accept them, finds them abnormal and in need of a cure.  A cure?  Really?  Like they are diseased.  It’s just stupid.  

Yet I am drawn to the church too.  For the fellowship of others who love Christ and chase God.  For the worship music when I feel the holy spirit so tangible and warm and God’s love for real.  I love the church for the work they do for the poor and for how they step in to help when someone is down.  I love how God uses people to do what He wants and how he places compassion in our hearts or a driving need to do something or even just pick up the phone and call someone.  I love the hope that I have in Him, the strength that I can do all things in Him.  Ah, its such a cool rush!

I have come to the conclusion I just don’t have all the answers and I don’t believe anyone else does either. 12 years of being a Christian and still as confused as ever about heaven and earth and everything in between.   I think it will be a huge shock when we get to see so many different people in heaven.   People He created and loved and who love Him too.  Maybe not the same way I do, not the same recipe or formula but a unique path they follow.  Do I wish everyone knew Jesus?  Absolutely.   It’s such a pure love and acceptance and grace.  A way to step straight onto the palm of God without having to be or do anything at all.   I’ll never forget the day I decided to give Him a go and take the chance and the subsequent amazing ride we have been on ever since.  We complicate it and make rules and decide who should be allowed.   What is right and wrong and what still applies from the bible.  Which book counts, how verses are interpreted.   I suppose you can call me a fence sitter and sometimes I do envy those super black and white people who are so certain of what is wrong or right.   Life just isn’t like that, we are all so different and if God created everyone one of us and loves us all, I would imagine He would make many colours, patterns and sizes to fit his diverse nation of people on earth.

I know He created me to be this person who does question and I believe it’s OK.   The opportunity of travel where I have encountered all these foreigners with their unique culture and food and religion and beliefs.  Not superior or inferior, just delightfully different.    I will never have it totally figured out but I blame Him!  He made me like this with all my questions and my refusal to meekly accept what others deem as right.  He taught me unconditional love which means others have no conditions too.  I will listen and I have much to learn from so many but I cannot just accept everything at face value.

My God is like a patient Daddy of a 2 year old and tolerates my questions all day long.  He knows if I mess up it’s usually borne out of the right attitude, His grace is sufficient for me.  It’s enough for me.   His holy spirit is quick to tell me or warn me or chastise me.  Not cool Melanie, that was ugly.  Or not safe, or not kind.  Other times I feel that approval, that way to go Mellie feeling.  Sometimes I ask and I get nothing so presume it’s no biggie.   Like Halloween coming up when we get to use the funky bags Auntie Nina sent.  Thanks sussie!!   I am sorry for all the people in the know who get frustrated at my lack of accepting ‘the rules’ because square pegs don’t make the neatest patterns.  I have seen countless square pegs leave the church over the years because not fitting in becomes lonely sometimes.   They a little screwy like me yet they still love Jesus and I see the evidence of Him in their lives in so much they do.  Others just see the sin, the supposed rebellion and the way of life that is seen as wrong or unbiblical or unacceptable.   I am grateful for my church for accepting my squareness and grateful for all my many square gay loving Jesus worshipping tolerant non religious friends who don’t make their issues mine or take on my issues for themselves.  So back to the one biggie with no compromise:     Love the Lord your God with all your heart and all your mind and all your soul, and love your neighbour as you love yourself.   Done.

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