Monday, October 15, 2012

The longest week of my life

Actually this has been one super frikkin long year!    So last Monday I woke up grateful for a new day with a new attitude.  My doc appointment with the 2nd neuro was at 1.45 so although a little apprehensive, I was good.  I had a shitty Sunday the day before and was so crazy angry the whole day.  Anger is a weird one for me.  I seldom get really cross but I had this mad rage which was a spill over of unresolved issues and a dark stinky mass had seeped out because of a silly incident.   I know its something I need to address, a conversation I need to have but I calmed myself down and apologized to all I had been so mad with the whole day.

I was sitting at my desk busy studying for my exam when the mutual friend of one of my closest friends called me to tell me that her husband had taken his own life and they had found him that morning.  Her funny, happy, loud husband who I had seen just the other day and was giving me advice on how to sew a sequined strip on Rebeka's dress.  My friend was in Plett with her daughters and all what I could think about was how to get her back down.  Plett is 6 hours away and obviously she could never drive in that state of shock.  I couldn't believe it, it seemed impossible.  It still does.   Fortunately her daughter's boyfriend drove them down and they arrived late that night.   Oh to see someone you love in pain is such a hard thing.  My amazing  friend who I love so much and have shared so much with.   Friends really do become family as we get older and our natural families live in various places.   As friends we share in births and weddings and parties.  We cook for each other and fetch each others kids.   Vicky and I have had amazing highs in the past 9 years and shared some incredibly tough lows too.   I was even privileged enough to be the doula at her grandson's birth. (She's around 13 years older than me)

The week has been so hard for her and her kids.  Three are in their twenties and her youngest is 10.   Her own pain and then watching her children in so much pain.  People were awesome though and everyone stepped in to help and love and cover and make endless meals.  We have seen God's love lavished on them as He has used various people in their path.   When he says His grace is sufficient, its true.  When He says His power is made perfect in our weakness, its also true.   The funeral was on Saturday and I was so glad his kids could look out at that packed church to see how many people their dad had touched.  All the funny stories of a man who never said no to anyone.  He was passionate about HIV and its effect on our people.  About people in general.  Those people in that packed church are a drop in the ocean of the lives he touched.    A suicide changes all the rules of grief and add so many other layers and dimensions.  The pastor handled it so well and didn't try and side step the issue.

Its only been a week but it feels like a year.   It is still a very long road to travel but this week spent with Vicky's other girlfriend has really reminded me how important female friendships are.  Of the privilege of being someone heart friend.   My friend is so strong and inspiring.   So real and raw and honest.   We are committed to walking this road with her, to prop her up when she feels she cannot take another step.  To get practical and figure out where to from here.    We love because we are loved and God uses all sorts of people to answer all those prayers and needs.  On Saturday morning I woke knowing the day would be really hard.  My 8 year old impulsively  brought me tea and ran me a candle lit bath.   She loved me and got me ready to love.  Saturday I could love Vicky and Saturday night Vicky could visit another friend of hers who had pranged her car on the way to the funeral and was devastated that she had missed it.  God loving me through Sofie, God loving Vicky through me and God loving Tandi through Vicky.  I love it.

PS:   Been told I had a second cyst on the same day I heard about losing Chris seemed a bit shit.  Seriously?  Talk about a blue Monday!    I will address that issue and go back to see him once I finish my exams which I write in THREE days!!

1 comment:

  1. You are one helluva heart-friend, you know that? I love you my Mellie.