And another year ends

I like to reflect on my year and make goals for the next one.   17 years ago I went through a few very tough years with massive changes, broken hearts, changes of jobs, guys, homes, cities and eventually I settled and that rough and crazy season ended.
I enjoyed the respite of a decade or so and then 5 years ago the sh*t hit the fan again and my mom was diagnosed with ovarian cancer at age 60 in the December.  We were NOT that family, we were supposed to be invincible.  6 months later after Mom enduring grueling chemo my Dad has a heart attack, triple bypass and a stroke a month after his 60th birthday.  My family and life as I knew it was forever changed. Is forever changed.   Since then life has thrown me with one challenge after another and I no longer start the year with the innocent and expectant hope of a better year, an easier one.  I man up and I know life will kick me in the teeth challenge me and I will continue to go through hard times.    

You know what, its OK.  God never promised an easy life.  His power is made perfect in my weakness and amidst the tough times are the tender times, the fun times and the moments of pure happiness.  Its the mixed bag called life and I just have to live it to the max knowing He will see me through anything.  Do I hope and pray for safety and protection for my family and I, for calm times, for a respite, for healing for my dystonia, for healing for a broken marriage (not mine) and for a season in my life where I don't have to fight so damn hard and be so damn brave.  Absolutely. 

My goals were big this year.  Surviving my brain op did feel like the proverbial 2nd chance even though the mortality figure was not high.  Healing and getting stronger and re appreciating my health and my body made me live my life to the absolute fullest in 2013.  My first run, getting my bike and discovering what fun it is to cycle.  Working hard at my swimming.  Being fitter and more toned at 42 than I have ever been, its a good feeling.  Finishing that triathlon was probably the biggest high of 2013 and then getting my 7 out of 8 distinctions for my UNISA studies.  I worked damn hard this year, every day, at me desk, determined to actually learn and plan for my future career which some scoff at given my age.  Although I will only die in my late eighties if I die tomorrow I have no regrets.  I have given this year horns, I have pushed myself beyond all limits and finishing off with this crazy mountain bike camp was a good metaphor for 2013. 

And next year?  Tomorrow in fact.  Study hard (my text books and work load looks so kak scary!) and do my best.   Do 3 triathlons for the year.   Do a few 10km road races and some trail races for fun.  (Original goal of half marathon scrapped, just don't love running enough!)  Swim a few mile open water swims.  And the mountain biking?  Not sure about that one.  I crapped myself most of the time on this cycle camp.  I don't have the skills and I might just be too old with too much to lose for such an extreme sport.  I am thinking trail cycling...jeep tracks, gentle hills, vineyards and single track minus the boulders and deep grooves.  I will do a skill clinic which I should have actually done before this camp and see. All what I know is I feel extremely blessed to have my precious family, my team and what ever I do in 2014 I will do with all I have within me and then some.

The F-word

In past blogger days when I was a proper blogger I dared to mention the F word sometimes.  Yes, I do mean FAT.  It caused a huge wave and I won't ever forget the infamous blog post about the amount of fat people at Disney and how pissed off some Americans got with me as apparently they were fat because they were poor not because they had to eat those huge drumsticks, extra large fries and bottomless sodas.  The teensy amount of skepticism I have with this is how the fek do they afford to go to Disney then but anyway, moving swiftly on.

People think that only fat people get judged by their size.  That first impressions of them imply that they are lazy and undisciplined or funny or loud or any of the other generalizations people attach.  Slim people, labeled too.  The amount of people who have later become my friends and told me when they first met me they immediately labeled me as skinny model bitch is many.  From being 19 and meeting the other soccer wives and girlfriends to people I meet now.  Slender = vain, bitchy, snobby, mean, uptight, I could go on.  Next week when I meet a group of 20 women for the first time I hope because its a cycle camp and others who love exercise, I wont have to fight that unfair label.   We all judge, it sucks, but we just do.

But my point is I know people of all shapes and sizes and love them for who they are in my life.  Most are happy with their bodies, the plus side of being our age I guess.  If you are happy, your lover is happy, you feel healthy, then we all good.  For those of you who are not happy with your body though you do need to do something about it.  For those whose health is compromised or quality of life, change is needed and the symbolic replacing of a new calender with 2014 on the cover is a good place to start.  (not now obviously, Christmas=chomping!) 

People say I am lucky to be thin.  This is partially true.  Genetically we are a slim family.  If you look at pics of Rebeka my 11 year old and my nephew Adam who is 9 you will probably want to send food parcels or have me and Tertia arrested.  My other nephew Zack is fairly skinny too.  But I am also very deliberate in how and what I eat and exercise.  The way to lose weight is not the million of fad diets out there.  Its the same basic principles that we actually know and are sustainable so you can have a normal life and maintain them.

So here is my 5 cents worth for long term weight loss and good health.
1.  You DO have to exercise.  Sorry but its true and the same mags who tell you that you can have five fabulous shags a week with your husband forever are the ones who tell you no exercise is required and you can still lose weight.  The trick is finding something YOU enjoy and finding someone to do it with you to keep you accountable.  Something that elevates your heartrate and makes you sweat.  Don't sweat huh?  That is what I thought before this year but it turns out I was not pushing my body past a certain point.  If you really can't do sweaty then get in the pool.  You think everyone is looking at you in your costume?   They not and if they are its for 5 seconds so get over yourself and get in.  Start with a few lengths and build up.  I could do 10 max.  Now I do 64 continuously which is a mile or 1.6km.  No swim?  Start off with walking and increase your speed and distance.  Zumba?  Crossfit? Cycling?  Spinning? Netball?  We are blessed to be in an age where the choices are vast.  Yoga and pilates great for toning but you won't lose weight, you have to get your heart rate moving.
2. Don't eat sh*t when you hungry.  I eat crap too.  I am in no way a food nazi, especially when I am PMS.  What I never do though is eat rubbish when I am hungry.  I eat proper food first and THEN I eat the chocolate or chips or biscuits or whatever.  It means my blood sugar doesn't spike plus I eat less of the junk.
3. Eat smaller portions, especially of the fattening stuff.  And you don't have to cut out carbs but obviously going for low GI bread vs white bread is a better option.  Remember you are now exercising so you will burn it off!   Eat a balanced diet, fruit, veg, protein, carbs and even some fat too.  Empty kilojoules are for occasional days, not daily.
4.  Make wise food choices.   Life doesn't have to be a jam doughnut or a celery stick with cottage cheese.  In between lie an array of foods available.  Thick butter on your bread, creamy sauces on your steak, fries instead of new potatoes, fizzy drinks.  Start with those simple ones to cut out instead of radically cutting out everything.  Baby steps.
5.  Drinking.  You have to drink water, you just do so stop saying you hate water and pretending the 4 cups of coffee and glasses of juice are enough.  Never go anywhere without your water bottle.  Driving somewhere means you will have drunk 500ml without even thinking about it.  Yes you will wee alot but it will be pale and non stinky wee.  Hydrate.  And booze...totally empty kilojoules.  Have a glass of wine but not 4. Cocktails and spirits and beers, moderation and not every day.  You will never be slim and its just not good for you.  Fizzy drinks are an obvious evil.  Mix clear juice like apple or berry with half soda water, yum.
6.  Your kids  Do not obsessively talk about diets, weight, food, fat in front of your kids.  Lead by example and teach them to respect and love their bodies.  If your child is overweight, do something about it.  Now.  It if means you all have to eat a certain way then do it.   Get them off the i-pad and get them moving.  Fat kids are often teased and ridiculed and its just not fair.  You can subtly address the problem without making them hyper aware.
7.  Love your body.  Our bodies are miraculous, we are fearfully and wonderfully made.  You have to live in it all your days and you want many days so be kind to it and keep it healthy.  Many have no choice over their health and would do anything to preserve their life so be deliberate in looking after your body.
8.  Set realistic goals   How much do you want to lose?  What is YOUR ideal weight?  Can you sustain it and lead a normal life?   Remember its not just about how you look but your health too.
9.  Eat the piece of cake  If you at a party or babyshower or whatever you CAN eat a slice of cake.  If you don't you will go home and eat something in secret anyway so eat the cake.  Food is a huge part of our social world and you are part of that world.  I know moderation is such an over used word but if you can find that balance for everything in your life it will mean a happier you.
10.  Psyche yourself out   Why do you over eat?   Dig a little deeper or find someone who is a professional to help you.  We have so many psychological associations with food and our bodies and if I look at how we immediately give our child a food treat if they bored/hurt themselves/behave etc I see how we create and exacerbate the problem from early on.  Decide what you want and if you want it badly enough and you are half way there already.
11.  Accept my apology   I know this is a sensitive issue and I would never want to hurt anyone's feelings so if I have in this post then please forgive me.  I just want people to live their best lives and be healthy and like themselves and if you are overweight and this is you, then ignore points 1 to 10.  If however you are overweight and unhappy and desperate to change then 1-10 is for you.  If you want to, you can.  Easy, no.  Possible, absolutely.  Good luck!

Can't view blog?

Won't let me view blog?  I want to do so that I can send my post to FB.  Just says new tab on top with no new page.  Am I being stupid?  Surely not.  Help people in the computer!

To any newbie who would love to attempt a Triathlon!

If someone has 1 kid via C-section, employs a night nurse and later an au pair is she called a mother?  Well of course!  Another women has 6 kids all born naturally with no pain relief, breastfeeds them until they 2 and she home schools all of them taking short breaks to eat organically grown food from her garden.  Also a mother right?   Relevance you ask?  I was just wandering if after 1 single sprint triathlon I was allowed to call myself a triathlete and dare to offer any tips or advice to wannabees out there?

There is amazing info out there but much of it goes way over my head.  I feel a little like a young virgin reading 50 Shades of Grey.   I would like to share a few things I wish some zealous newbie told me before I attempted my 1^st Tri.   Firstly my dear newbie, not everyone is the Ironman type training 5 hours a day eating very specific food and speaking a lingo known only to other crazy iron people.    The same way you have people doing the local 5km and others doing the Two Oceans, you have triathletes doing Sprint Tri’s for fun and others tackling mammoth races like iron man or even half iron man.  Naturally I would be the sprint fun type.  At my age with my lifestyle and commitments I have neither the desire nor capacity to race insane distances.  (No respect to you crazy nutters who do!)

So what do you need to do a triathlon?   Quite simply, the lus.  Do you want to do one?  Do you want to take yourself off the couch out of your comfort zone and do something that terrifies and excites you all at the same time?  Well then we good.  You don’t need a running background, cycling or even swimming.   Many assume triathletes were excellent in one of these areas and decided to add on another 2 disciplines.  I could not run 100 meters and the last time I had been on a bike was over 30 years ago.  I could swim but not brilliantly well.   What I did have, was the head.  I had the goal and the discipline and the enthusiasm to do it. 

Okay, so you want to do it then.  Here’s my advice to get you going:
If you cannot find a training group or the hours don’t work with kids schedules, work etc, find a like minded training partner.  Someone on a similar level to you who also wants to do her 1^st Tri.  You will be accountable to each other, encourage each other and get to celebrate together when you eventually finish.  You might have a partner who finishes 22 minutes ahead of you despite the fact that you trained harder but you will get over it. Grrrr!
Secondly, read Triathlon mags, runing mags, cycling mags, read books, talk to other athletes, do some research.  As I said much of it is way too technical or OTT but you do learn some useful stuff.
Train in all weather.  I so wished I did that very obvious tip.  When it was cold and windy and shite we hit the gym.  Naturally on race day the wind howled, the water was cold and choppy and cycling into the wind was killer.
If you can’t run you start off walking and follow one of those 5km run programmes.   You will eventually get there and you might even love it.  Me, hate running.  Runners high?  No clue!    Don’t just do flat routes and try run at least twice a week making sure it’s not just on the treadmill.  Don’t wear old cheapo shoes as you will mess up your feet.
Cycling.   I did it all wrong but what I should have done was get over my fear of kleats and cycling shoes and I should have used a road bike and not my heavy plonky mountain bike.  I would like to tell you how to get over your fear of kleats but I don’t know myself?!  As mentioned I should have done more real road cycling and less spin classes avoiding Cape Town winter weather.  What I did do and what helped was to go straight from a spin class to the dreaded treadmill and run 5kms.  It gets your legs used to that transition.   Also, don’t laugh at the people as they queue to rack their bikes and they wear their helmets.  Fools you think, don’t they realize the swim comes first?   Reason for helmets…they are checked for cracks before you rack your bike so you don’t fall off and die and your spouse sues them.  I do find it very ironic no one gives a crap at mountain bike events as to the state of your very necessary helmet??  Have a bottle of water to rinse your feet so the sand doesn’t rub and chaffe you.  The hardcore guys aka mothers of 6 don’t wear socks but remember we want to finish this thing and enjoy it so comfort is key.
Speaking of comfort, those cute little trisuits are surprisingly comfy.  You will feel alarmed at the minimal padding on the bum area but remember you swim, cycle and run in them and my butt felt just fine afterwards.  I would go for a brand one, check out the sales and you should get one for around R700.  You can go for 2 separate pieces (good when you need to wee) or one piece.
The swim.  Many dread the swim but luckily I love the water.  In the Tri sprints the distances are only 800 meters which is 32 lengths in a 25 meter pool.  I would strongly advise you to enter an open water swim event before you do a Tri.  Everyone tells you about the murky water and the people on top of you and the large splashy washing machine effect but until you in it, you cannot imagine what it’s like.  It’s bloody scary the first time and all that training in the pool seems to count for nought when you in the dam desperately trying not to panic.  I wanted to cry during my 1^st swim.   I thought 1500 meters sounded easy peasy but it was very, very far and very, very horrible.  Fortunately I did a few more open water swims with shorter distances after that and got over my issues.   I also learned about having a mantra that you say over and over again as you swim.  It can even be counting but just something to keep you calm and focused.    That rule about not trying anything new on race day, well it includes tightening your goggles just before you swim.  Your eyes will want to pop out and you will have a headache and you won’t even be able to have a good cry because afore mentioned goggles will fill with water.
If your local pool/gym has a masters swim squad I would recommend you join.  Those guys are damn good and you will feel like a bit of a paw-paw but at least you will get swim fit and be pushed beyond what you would push yourself.  A great tip I learned (after my Tri!) was to swim around the black T instead of touching the wall and kicking off at each length.  Do 16 lengths of that and you will be surprised how tiring it is and much more realistic than using the wall.
Transition.  The serious dudes make a big deal of this and I will advise you to practice it but remember your goal is to finish and if you take 2 minutes or 30 seconds, so be it.  I watched a  You tube clip of what to pack and it was helpful.   I also practiced swimming at a pool in my wetsuit and then taking it off and pretending to run with my bike.  The first time I couldn’t get my zip down.  The 2^nd time I caught my entire ponytail in the zip which my amused husband had to ease/pull out.  Naturally he filmed it and it seemed to stay equally funny at each viewing.  Third time perfect and on race day perfect.   What I should have done though when I got to my bike was sit down and pull the rest of my suit off.  I was a little dizzy after my swim so fell around like a drunk trying to get the rest of my suit off.
Eating.  Don’t presume because it’s a big sporting event healthy or nutritious food will be on sale.   Luckily I had a sad old low GI peanutbutter sarmie in my bag but next time I will have a packed cooler box and eat properly.  Our race was at 3pm and we were there the whole day.  By the time I did my run my tank was empty and I walked half of it. 
Have fun.  You might think it’s just not possible due to nerves and how hard it will be but somehow I really did have fun.  I am naturally competitive but this was one competition where it really was about ME and finishing it.  I had a time goal which I did achieve but I was surprised how much I enjoyed my race.  In fact my mantra was This is MY race and its one I plan to repeat at every event I do going forward.   I do want to get better and I will but it’s all about me and doing the best I can.  Corny I know but it takes the pressure off.
Wannabee Triathlete there is so much more info out there than a pleb like me knows but I will tell you one thing.   Finishing that race rated right up there with the birth of my 3 kids, with relocating and starting a new career and with so many other brave things I have done in my life.  Feeling part of this fun fit energized crowd was just awesome.  I can’t wait to do another one and I can’t wait for the feeling I know you will have once you finish YOUR first one.  Next race, it’s YOUR race!

Acceptance, at last

I have realized lately that for the past 14 months I have gone through a grieving process with my Dystonia.   When I first went on the offending meds last August I remember blogging about the side effects and trying to research what the hell was happening to me.  My psychiatrist was useless in her response and management of the condition.  In my dark moments when I think I am unable to live like this I write ugly things to her in my suicide notes.  

The worst part of my early research was reading that Tardive Dystonia or oro-facial dystonia has no cure and the condition can last for weeks, months, years or forever.   FOREVER?  What the f*ck?  I cannot live in this much pain that long.  Looking back I see how I have truly gone through the process of grieving in the loss of a part of my health and quality of life.  Initial shock and denial are stage 1.   This simply can’t be and I won’t accept it and I will find a way to get rid of it.  I will not have this disability and if drugs caused it then I must find other drugs to get rid of it.  

Stage 2 was anger.  Anger at Cruella de Renata the psyche, anger at the non-move to Singapore which was the straw that broke my back after a few shit years of stress resulting in zero serotonin and high cortisol.  At the time I even felt proud of myself for crawling up off the floor and seeking help.  My anxiety has spiraled to the point where I would get lost driving home because my brain was just finished.  I was finished.  I needed meds to get me over the hump and back on my feet.  I was angry at myself too.  I was angry I had to go through a hectic brain op with 22 ugly metal staples in my skull and still the Dystonia stayed.  It felt damn unfair.

Bargaining and Guilt come in and number 3.   Was it something I did, said, didn’t do?   Was it my fault?   If I did X, Y, Z would God heal me?  Why didn’t He heal me in fact?  My faith is strong and don’t doubt in His ability to heal which means He has deliberately chosen to leave me unhealed.  The symptoms of my condition are as follows:
  Oromandibular Symptoms

• clenching or grinding of the teeth (bruxism)
• spasms of jaw opening
• sideways deviation or protrusion of the jaw
• lip tightening and pursing (addicted to lip-ice)
• drawing back (retraction) of the corners of the mouth
• deviation or protrusion of the tongue. Constant spasms of the tongue
• jaw pain, extreme palate pain
• difficulties speaking (dysarthria). (At the end of the day I can hardly read my daughter a story)

Sadness and Depression come in at 4 and tend to reoccur every so often.  The pain is debilitating.  I have got used to dealing with my chronic back pain.  I am on Celebrex daily which is an anti-inflammatory and I have facet blocks once or twice a year so I manage the pain.  But my mouth?  And FOREVER.  That’s a fucking long time.  Imagine downing a cup of boiling hot water, well that’s how my mouth feels on a bad day.   I felt like I couldn’t possibly live in this much pain forever which means I clearly had to take myself out.  Oh wait, I have kids, a husband and a family.  I am not allowed to take my own life which means I am stuck in this.  For another 40 years.  That’s so scary long!!   What is also scary is that I am clearly unable to handle any psychotic meds so no anti-deps or anti-anxiety meds for me.

And finally at stage 6 we have Resolution and Acceptance.   What the hell can I do about it?  I will try different meds, approaches, therapies, alternative healing but currently there is no cure for Dystonia.  Stress makes it 10 times worse and many people with Dystonia are unable to work.  Unfortunately my studies make it worse but I refuse to give it up.  I want to earn my degree and I want to have a career and earn my own money even though this will only happen at age 47.  Many people have accidents in their lives that change things forever and so many are worse off than me.  I am grateful for many things and the fact that I can still exercise is huge.  People with cervical (neck) dystonia are often very restricted.   I am currently on day 6 of new meds and I think they help a little.  I did have 2 intense days of stress this week and it was so clear the immediate effect on my mouth to the point where I had bitten holes in my bottom lip.  The storm has kind of cleared, stress levels reduced and my tongue spasms improved.   I will still continuously ask God to reverse this but I accept his answer of not now or maybe never and I will handle it.   I am handling it. 

Back to the Shoowow lady

This year one of my subjects is HIV and HIV counseling.  It is obviously very interesting especially in my country where we unfortunately have the highest incident of HIV in the world.  It still blows my mind that intelligent and well educated people have unsafe sex.  I understand poor people, those who lack self empowerment and education.  Those with a cultural history that denies so many women a voice.  But everyone else, Russian Roulette and the stakes are so high!

Anyway.  In the counseling they speak about Acute Stress Disorder which I clearly had last year after Singapore falling through and I feel it lurking now although not as intense.   I have blamed myself for going on the Cymgen/Cymbalta which  has f*cked up my life by giving me this permanent painful Dystonia in my mouth.   Reading about this disorder and remembering how I felt last year makes me feel better as I HAD to get help.    3 Major life changing events of the past 3 years had destroyed any serotonin in my system and stripped me of my ability to cope.  I felt finished and even felt proud of myself for forcing myself to get up off the floor and seek help.   Unfortunately I just got unlucky and have this rare side effect.    I don’t blame my psychiatrist Renata aka ice woman for prescribing but I certainly blame her for the way she did not handle it afterwards.   I wrote her an e-mail a year after the drugs and she ignored it.   I understand she doesn’t care and they are terrified of liability but from a professional point of view I would imagine some kind of interest and follow up.  From day 1 she brushed me under the carpet as an unfortunate mistake and moved on.

Shit, I keep on digressing.  Clearly need to see my psychologist again!  My point is my stress and anxiety is out of control again and in the absence of meds I am going to seek alternative help.  I want to learn to meditate and I am also going to see my metaphysical healer again.  I told you about her a few months ago.  I had been hanging onto pain and unforgiveness for many years but tried to suppress it.  I did not have the strength or courage to deal with the people who had unintentionally caused me so much pain.  It was easier to move on but every now and again something would happen that would bring it to the surface like ugly bitter vomit and I would know it still existed.   The first time I saw her not too much happened.  It was a physical healing thing where she moved her hands along my body and identified things in my life.  She did not touch me, just felt my energy.  The 2^nd time I went for a 2 hour session and cried and spoke and cried some more going back to that deep and painful place watching myself from the outside.  It was a weird almost out of body kind of experience.   I was 40 something looking at my 30 something year old self and allowed myself to acknowledge things that had happened and pain that I had felt.  Being a clapper I took Jesus with me on the journey and it was comforting to see that he had been right at my side that entire time.  A hovering loving parent keeping me safe although allowing me to go through all I had.   In the midst of this intense session Susan the healer said something so profound and it has changed my life and has given me much freedom.  Can your soul forgive her/his soul?  Could it?  Could my hurt soul recognize that actions done and words said by another came from their own damaged soul.   Could my soul forgive their soul knowing where everything had come from?  Yes, it could.  It could recognize that the intention was never to hurt me or destroy me and although I don’t condone the actions I understand them and forgive them.   Liberating!

So now I see her again not because I need to forgive anyone (well maybe the 2 psychiatrists who I despise and should not be allowed to treat people!!) but because I have lost my balance again and months of worry and stress and trying to cope with it all have depleted me.   I am glad in the absence of drugs there are so many other options available for us to deal with our lives and all the good and bad they throw at us.   Saying yes to Granola!

PS, I wrote this last week and only posted today.  I saw her this morning and she taught me something called EFT where you tap on certain points and repeat certain things to yourself.  I am going to try and do it everyday.  I also got the number of another metaphysical healer who teaches meditation and will see her soon.  I see my neuro next month who is supposed to put me on new meds but I am so afraid of the side effects so if I can go the alternative candle-and-sandal route then that's my new therapy.   

42 going on one hundred

For the past 2 days I have been shuffling along like a very old granny.   The muscles in my legs and arse are so tight and sore I could cry.  My arms are not too bad but wow my thighs hurt.  

As you know this New Year’s Eve I decided my goal would be to complete a triathlon.  I decided the fact that I could not run or cycle was simply details and at least I could swim although not brilliantly.   January I started swimming, April I started with my running training and at the end of June I got my bike.  My studies mean limited time to train but I do actually love exercise so fitted it all in.  The running stayed hard but I eventually got to 10km.  Because I am a stubborn poephol, I do not go to boring pilates as suggested.  I also don’t stretch nearly enough as I have the vicious circle of being really inflexible and tight so not wanting to stretch and being so tight because I don’t.    Ja, ja, I know it’s dumb!  

Two weeks ago I hurt my heal after running on the treadmill.  I think its plantar fasciitis which is a total bitch as I cannot run or even walk at this point and it took such hard work to get to the 10km.  I see a bio on Monday morning and hope to sort it soonest.   Last week on FB I see this triathlon training group advertised in Stellenbosch.  I mail the perky trainer Mia and explain my age, fitness level etc.  She tells me the group is training for half iron man and I tell her I am newbie training for a sprint triathlon.   Based on the description I presume it’s some kind of stretching class to relieve the hard cardio training triathletes do.   She assures me I can join the group.  Tuesday evening I rock up in a long sleeve top and no sweat towel, we are stretching after all.   Not.  No stretching.  Skipping, planking, lifting, lunging, weights, cycling etc yes, lots of it continuously along with the other perky people all aged around 25 and really fit.  I died!  I paid and told her I would not be returning the following week.

My ex pilates teacher warned me last year not to go to bootcamp because of my back.   She said she treats too many injuries from people who have attended.  Too many trainers have too much enthusiasm and too little knowledge and training.   They do not account for individual levels of fitness and form.  I think this women was irresponsible in throwing me into a class like that.  If I ever get a trainer I will go for someone older.  Gary has been with Desiree for years and she knows exactly how far to push his body and what works and what doesn’t.  Training isn’t a one size fits all plan.   Don’t tell myself this as you know how stubborn I am but sometimes I wish I hadn’t set this goal of finishing the tri.  It’s on October  5^th and its bloody exhausting exercising so damn much.  Because my running is out and the pool is cold I only swim twice a week which means I need to find some serious cardio stuff to do the other 4 days.  This week I discovered spinning which I love and have done 2 classes.    At least it doesn’t hurt my foot although I hear my thighs weeping when I walk towards the bike.

Next year my new year’s resolution will be to crochet a doily or knit a frikkin’ scarf!