Thursday, January 31, 2013

A decade with my love

Today, 10 years ago I walked up the aisle to my waiting groom.  Unfortunately that same groom is away in Germany on business so I thought I would write about the day in order to keep up some semblance of romance and sentimentality.

But before the wedding comes the courtship.   Ours was not the:  Meet at varsity, travel and get married and then after a few years, have a few critters relationship.     My 30th birthday had just past and I was nursing a broken heart and feeling far short of who and where I thought I would be at that grand age.   2 weeks later I bumped into Gary, a friend of my sister.    We chatted, we re-connected but my heart was unable to produce anything remotely resembling a spark.    Still, my persistent Gary took me out to dinner and before flying off back to London the next morning, gave me a real kissy kiss when he said goodbye
Somehow I had that inevitable feeling.   It’s odd as it was not love or lust or passion but just an inevitable feeling that our lives had not only crossed but eternally intertwined.      We then e-mailed and texted the whole day every day getting to know each other.  Then he visited and passed the test of how to relate to an ADHD 4 year old.  (lots of gifts and supper at the Spur!)      My heart started to spark and he visited again.   Zzzzap, definitely something.    August the 1st….my very patient man needs to move things along.  He flies me via London to join him and then we fly onto Skiathos in Greece.     One evening we are upstairs at the pool looking out the ocean and I turn to see him in this crisp white shirt with his rugged face, shaved head and tats.  Kaboooooooom!      I want this man.    Va va voom!

Fast forward 18 months later and in true Gary & Mel style we have managed to move to Cape Town, create and birth a baby girl and buy a house.   10 days before the wedding Daniel starts grade 1 and at the welcome his teacher announces that his parents are getting married on the weekend.  Polite and curious applause followed of course.  I have to admit the months leading up to the wedding were hugely stressful.  I arranged the entire thing within 6 months of giving birth to my huge pain in the arse sweet daughter .  Wow she was hard work!  To add a little spanner to the works, 6 weeks before the wedding, she decides breastfeeding in December makes us both too hot and sweaty and rejects the boob.  I am finished.  I felt personally rejected and the subsequent hormonal crash of no oxytocin made me a very weepy engorged bride to be.   Eventually I gave up coaxing, expressing etc. and my lovely full bosoms became sad little boobies which now no longer filled my dress.  Oh shite!  
But skip forward once again and the dress is now padded, the baby is now 6 plus months and everything is arranged.    Due to finances (having kids pre wedding really screws the honeymoon budget) we plan to go on a short local honeymoon up to Victoria Bay.   The 1st of Feb 2003 arrives and I wake up at my parents house.   I lie in bed and think:  Today is my wedding day.  Today I am getting married.  Forever.   Sjoe but it was both a scary and wonderful feeling at the same time.   We all went for lunch and eventually it was time for us to get ready.  Me in my beautiful dress, Daniel age 6 in a little tuxedo like outfit he had to keep clean and Rebeka in a christening gown with a headband on her mostly bald head.  I was nervous as all hell and they tried to delay my arrival as apparently the DJ hadn’t arrived with the wedding march song.   I walked up the aisle in my father’s proud arm and that extra long squeeze before he gave me away was the only time I nearly lost the plot and had a cry.  The ceremony followed and down the aisle we walked with our 2 children and finally it all clicked.  It felt right, it was right.  Our little family.  I loved my wedding, I loved feeling beautiful.   I remember waking up on the first day of my honeymoon saying the real yes.  Yes this was the right thing, changing my name and merging with this man, it was good.  Yes!

10 Years later we have 1 extra critter, 3 dogs and 3 budgies.  The cats have been sent to Jesus re-homed and the rats have moved to Khayalitsha to live with our helper and our grandson.  We have done extensive renovations to our house and love our home.   We don’t fight although we do argue about ridiculous things.  We annoy each other, make each other laugh, turn each other on, entertain each other and we respect each other.    We like and love each others extended families and we parent the same way.  We are very different in many other ways but we are both ambitious, competitive and hard working.  Our loyalty to our family and each other is unfailing.   We have our boundaries and our unspoken rules.  I love this man who is a mixture of extreme shyness and bold confidence.    This anti-social homebody who only a fortunate few really get to know.    Gary as your enemy, you better run and hide.  Gary as your friend, you pretty safe.  Gary as your husband, you are loved, cherished and protected  forever.    

I am so grateful for my life, my home, my kids, my family and especially my life partner who is in it for the long haul with me.     Life is unpredictable and I know no guarantees yet I so hope to grow old with my Gary and I thank God for him most every day.


  1. Aaww well written Mellie and totally heart-felt - you actually made me weep a coupla times. Am so happy for you and gorgeous Gary. Hope you have another 100 years together... ok maybe not 100 but you get what I'm saying - lolol. Love you guys xxx

  2. What a beautiful tribute to your husband and your marriage. Congratulations. 10 years is a major milestone!!