Firstly let me apologize for my somewhat inappropriate FB status update today. For those who read my blog and are not FB friends I wrote about this fantasy I had while on my long training cycle. Let me give you some background info pre FB post: The cycle was far and hot and full of rolling hills. My legs were aching and my butt and girl bits squashed and bruised. Basically I was having a lot of non-fun and passing an injured cyclist being worked on by paramedics on the side of the road with ambulance waiting did not add much positivity to the experience. I also knew come the end of my 80km cycle I had to run 8km in the blistering noon day sun. Why on earth would I subject my 43 year old body to this mare you may ponder?
Well its because in a moment of foolish bravado, I entered Ironman70.3. I did my 1st open water swim last Feb, taught myself to run in March and got my bike in June. In October last year I did my 1st sprint Triathlon and I loved it. I have done a few since and somehow had convinced myself I was now a triathlete and wanted to really challenge myself. Take yourself out your comfort zone Mel...do something exciting that scares you. How about a 1.9KM swim followed by a 90KM bike on rolling hills and a fabulous half marathon 21KM in the hottest part of the day mid summer. Well arsehole, are you happy now? Scrawny, exhausted, overwhelmed and poor. And too far gone to turn back considering the money spent on entry and accommodation and training. This is VERY, VERY tough. I have to swim 3 times a week, run 3 times a week and bike 3 times a week. The cycling makes my shoulders knot and spasm so the pain has also sent me to strengthening classes once a week and Pilates once a week. I also have Mondays as a rest day so do the math in terms of 6 days and 11 exercise sessions to get in. Add 3 kids to the mix and my Social Work Honours degree and I am feeling pretty wasted. I write my 1st exam on the 5th of November and I have not been very diligent lately so its time for some serious graft.
OK so back to the fantasy. Because I am a nervous cyclist and my shoulders are basically jammed tight I cannot turn around to check for cars. I rely on my trainer to tell me when to cross and hope like hell he isn't having a suicidal day. At the end of my cycle I get to a huge busy intersection and crossing it makes me poop myself. Agatha (my other friend you know aka my anxiety) goes wild! I imagined just going for it and crossing and sadly...I got hit by a car. Clearly I can no longer train and do this mammoth race because I am now in heaven in my hammock on the beach drinking my frozen margarita while reading a really engrossing book. I never quit you see, I just died. People sadly remark how well I would have done and race in my honour. So that was the fantasy, me pegging and no longer training. I really don't want to die so no worries re sending my psyche around but today I did want to STOP.
But I am babbling on again which is frightfully rude considering I promised to introduce you to my friend Priscilla-Mavis-Serelda. I know its a mouthful so I just call her PMS for short. She comes to visit me for a week each month. Sometimes she is chilled and other times she is very demanding. I have tried to tell her not to come and used various tactics but she always finds me. Despite Gary having the snip I am on the pill just to try and tame her. It used to work well and she was less invasive and only came for 3 days. Somehow she is back with a vengeance and prefers to stay the week. She demands biscuits and chocolates and she doesn't like guys. Poor Gary and Daniel become more annoying, even my swim coach Ryan gets yelled at across the pool. She makes me want to cry, she makes me negative and she totally demotivates me. My drive and ambition and positivity gets sucked right out of me and I am filled with doubt and just want to quit. When I ran the charity I would want to quit. My studies, my training, everything. Just DON'T wanna play. I am glib about my friend PMS but for the small percentage of the female population that have their own PMS friend, it can be debilitating. It feels similar to depression and even though you logically tell yourself its just hormones, it doesn't help. Obviously if anyone else tells you this you will react violently so its best not to ask if one is PMS when they seem somewhat temporarily bitter and twisted.
So I am sorry, I am tired, I am over emotional, I am negative, I am filled with doubt re my ability to finish this race and I am horribly PMS. I will be amazing next weekend, I have a fairly long triathlon race on Sunday and I will be all amped and excited. Right now though I am off to eat some more chocolate for Priscilla-Mavis-Serelda and find some family member who is willing to rub my shoulders.