I have many days when I want to stop studying and I have days when I wonder if I will even use this degree I am working so hard for. If somehow I don't finish it or I never actually practice I will probably regret the amount of time it has stolen from my life but never the knowledge it has given me. I am a thinker by nature. I love to ponder about stuff and although I am not great with current affairs locally and around the world, I am great at knowing what makes people tick.
My fascination with the human psyche and why we do what we do and think what we think makes my degree perfect for me. Always one for the underdog and very justice motivated studying social work with psychology as my 2nd major seems like the ultimate fit. On November 14th I have been a Christian for 15 years. It has been amazing journey of self-discovery and God discovery. Knowing so much less than I did 10 years ago re God means He gets to surprise me every day. I no longer force Him to fit the picture painted by others or know Him through others. I know Him spirit to spirit, raw and real and gentle and kind and fierce and loving. Many times I just don't get it and that's OK. As I have mentioned before I can no longer really call myself a Christian according to the world's definition and based on the gross misrepresentation of who God is, I am quite happy to be known as a seeker of Christ. Someone who doesn't have all the answers and whose truth a decade ago has changed and will change again in another decade.
Can you imagine painting the ocean and the sky in 1 single shade of blue? It would be flat and unreal and one dimensional. Painting my daughter's room lately inspired this post as we went through many, many shades of blue till we found the right one. What if your truth was your perception clouded by the opinion and lessons of others and left unexamined and unchanged? What if your truth was simply one version, one of the shades of blue? Imagine borrowing the colour of another to add to your picture, mixing the paints and shades and textures. I am not an artist by any means but the visuals of all these blues really represent different interpretations and truths and when we open ourselves up to a wider view we get to experience some incredible things. We see and know sides of ourselves and others and God we didn't even know existed. The proverbial cast in stone becomes fluid and alive as we grow and learn and morph and change and toss things out and add others in.
I know for many Christians they think opening yourself up to other ideas and beliefs is considered dangerous. They feel safe and comfortable and 100% sure that their blue is the only real blue. They consider people with other shades to be blind or deceived or confused. I am not judging them and in some ways it must feel very secure to be so sure of something but I was never that person. Because I say so never quite cut it with me. Why? Why do I have to be this, say this, act like this, dress like this, watch this and not that, read this and not that? Jesus obeyed God, not the rules of the day or his Jewish rulers. I am lucky to have so many like minded friends who are also open minded to all that life has to offer. We obey the basic rules or try to anyway. Be kind, treat all people with respect and ensure we all have the same rights, love others, love yourself, love God.
My old lady hands and less firm skin is the not so much fun part of getting older but the contrasting increased elasticity of my mind and thoughts and ideas more than makes up for it. But enough random waffling on, time to get back to my books and learn new things. Exams next week!