Friday, December 21, 2012

Tough Love

Mothers are focused on 2 main things:   Sparing their precious children sorrow and pain, and raising them to be successful.  It’s our job, keeping them safe and getting them ready to spread their wings and soar.

I have just completed Shantaram by Gregory David Roberts.  I am not sure when or how my love affair with India began but I love reading books set in that crazy country.    For most of my life it was a place I had zero desire to visit but now I would just love the chance to go there.  I will one day.  Probably for a lengthy visit.  I know it’s become a cliché place to go to India and search your soul but clichés are normally based on some repeated truth.    Don’t worry clappers, I will bring my Jesus with in my heart and He will show me the many faces and flavours of His father.    Also, although I might go for a short visit in the next decade I think my long stay might be when I am a 60 year plus granny.   

Anyway, on page 872 of this wonderful book I read the following which inspired this blog post:
Nothing in any life, no matter how well or poorly lived, is wiser than failure or clearer than sorrow.  And in the tiny precious wisdom that they give to us, even those dread and hated enemies, suffering and failure, have their reason and right to be. 

Failure and sorrow, my 2 biggest teachers in my life.   They have stripped away pretense and cleansed me of untruths, they have given me courage and wisdom and perseverance.    They have made me humble and smaller than I thought I was and bigger than I thought I was.  They have also shown me the love of God and comfort available when I am prepared to let bitterness and questions go and grab at His hand instead.    And yet I don’t want my children to have sorrow or fail?    I cannot bare the thought of them in pain, of broken hearts or broken hopes.  When Daniel first started seeing Carmin I freaked out as you all know.  He laid himself totally open and made himself vulnerable to something I couldn’t protect him from.   He fell in love with 16 year old abandon holding nothing back.  His heart is perfect, unscarred by the breaking of a past love or by rejection or disappointment.      The thought of him having his heart broken, crushed or thrown away just killed me.   Four months later I have relaxed as I see his love returned in equal measure.     I cannot predict the future but I do know for certain he will have some pain and some sorrow in his life and some failure too.   We all do at some point in varying degrees.    Reading this reminded me that we can teach our children up to a point but it’s the tough times that shape who we become, who we are and how we grow.    I should not dread it so but know that I am around to comfort.  That they have a God who loves them more than I do and who will see them through any crises in their life.   

I feel my hand loosen slightly and I release them a little more into a world I still hope will be mostly kind to them.  I love my children and will continue to protect them as far as I am able but I will try no longer dread the teachers of sorrow and failure and remind myself of what they did for me.   

Thank you God for walking with my kids every day.   For new mercies for them.  I pray you will give them the strength and grace to handle whatever should happen in their long lives.  I pray for their protection.  I trust you to know what they need to make them into the people you have designed them to be and I thank you for being their mom.  Be gentle with them please, I love them SO!

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