I know this sounds somewhat melodramatic but I feel very jilted bride-ish. For months I have planned this perfect wedding. I have spent many hours and much money on the perfect dress and the flowers. The wedding cake and guest list and flowergirls.
Of course the niggling discomfort don't- do- it- gut- feeling was totally ignored as I got swept up in the fantasy. My concern of how reliable and trustworthy my groom was paled in comparison to the dream wedding. Gifts are given, church is full and there I stand waiting but he doesn't show. After it has eventually sunk in I begin the long process of returning presents and trying to salvage what money I can from returning things. That whole life I had pictured disappears and its time to get back to 'normal.'
So far I have done pretty well in my un-do list and we are close to normal. I keep on remembering little things but just cope as I do and try and fix it up. The kids seem better and more resigned with less tears. Rebeka went back to school today. The hard thing is I had done so much rah rah rahing about how awesome it was and got them to feel less awesome about life here. I had convinced them how much happier Zara would be on the farm and I still actually think so. Sofia wanted a zoo party but I told her our zoo is sad and depressing and Singapore zoo is incredible. School plays? But you can get the video and you anyway at the back. Your bedroom, yes but you will get new fancy bunkbeds and will have your own bathroom. Rebeka had chosen her awesome school activities like scrap booking and cooking etc. They were psyched, I had done this excellent job of getting them ready.
I think I just need the next 3 weeks to pass. We had so many big days on our calender. I told Sofie we can do Ratanga on her birthday, if it rains we can go ice-skating. The actual fly of the 26th will be nasty but somehow I still hope we fly somewhere anyway. And after 4th of July my calender is clean and then I fill it with cool things in my cool country and work on new exciting things to look forward to.
Thanks for all the cool FB msgs btw. I promise I will suck it up and stop being so awful but I just need some time to get over it. I'm not actually a negative person so hoping this woe is me self-pity party won't last.