Monday, June 4, 2012

Over


It’s over, my adventure is over before it even begun.  The company that Gary was going to work for informed us this weekend.   3 weeks before we leave.

Everything is shattered.  Everyone is shattered.  I am nauseous with shock and disappointment.  Who knew being this disappointed could make you sick.  I want to vomit.  My back hurts extra bad and my mouth is dry.   I have called off a wedding after I had the dress and the house and the whole bang shoot.  I have called off an IVF for my 4th and I have given up on adopting my daughter and somehow this shattered feeling surpasses all of that.  The school we had chosen for them and finally got them in to.  My sister who I was looking so forward to getting to know in a whole new way.  Her family.   My nervy little Sofie getting to feel safe.  (She is so paranoid!)  

What a total and complete Mind-F*ck.   So close to having everything in order, even the vet called Saturday morning to say Lucy’s tests were clear and I could book her kennel space.  Daniel has chosen his subjects, we are booked in a place to stay for month 1.   I have given up my job.   We have to be out our house at the end of the month.   Zara’s new owners.  Oh my frikkin’word.   What am I going to do?  How do I do this?
I want to hide away for ever.  I don’t want to see anyone or speak to anyone.   I am embarrassed.  This blog title… 

I am trying to remind myself we are all OK, together.  That something else will come up.  That God has a plan.   For now though, oh this feels unbearably cruel.    Please pray for us.  
Preparing the kids for this move has been enormous.  All that head psyching preparing and counseling to get them ready and secure.   And now to say we stay, well you can only imagine how we all fee.   Desperate, just desperate.  



8 comments:

  1. Before you take another step or another breath even, look straight to the Author and Perfector of your faith. He is in control. Run to Him. Praying for you all.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hi, Mel - I've read your blog(s) for ages but never commented before. I just felt the need today to speak so you could know there's another person praying for you and your family. I'm so sorry you're in this position and that these feelings are so overwhelming. Much love to you ... God has made everything beautiful/perfect in its time (Eccl 3:11), and I pray that the time will be soon for you to see and feel His plan.

    ReplyDelete
  3. *HUGEST of HUGS* Mel. That must be so devasting! :( Strength to you and your family....

    ReplyDelete
  4. I am so ANGRY right now!! Unbelievably pissed! Give me a minute to process and I'll be back.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I can't imagine dealing with this. I'm so sorry. I hope this is just another opportunity in disguise...

    ReplyDelete
  6. Thoughts and prayers are with you and your famdamily!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Good gravy Mel! Talk about yanking the mat out from under you!??! Wow!

    ReplyDelete